BEN : Living outside any faith . . . .

Living outside any faith is an interesting concept. I used to believe you could do that. And not too long ago I tried really hard to achieve independence from my own faith. But I've learned everything in life — all the people we hate and love, all the experiences we welcome and reject, everything — are the substance of the materials used to construct this thing we call faith.
      We can't escape our faith, for every turn of life's labyrinth leads eventually to the path that leads out of the maze of one confusion into a blissful moment of clarity only to find oneself again looking for a way out.
      It's a repetitive process. Much like a sculptor. He chips away at the same piece of stone until the art that already existed inside is exposed for everyone to see. Or a builder who keeps putting wood together with little metal pieces until a frame exists. Or a musician who keeps following the direction dictated by the notes and markings on the page until their part is finished. Only the end is not final as we understand it in our linear, Western worldview. The end marks the beginning — again, and again, and again.
      Our salvation is found in the losing of our religion rather than in its protection. The nagging reality is that no matter how hard we try, we cannot subvert the rules of engagement defined by One beyond our own human measure.
      Unlike your friend, I entered college with the knowledge that I wanted to be a minister. As best as I could understand what that meant at the time. But only four years later, I hated the idea. And I wanted nothing to do with it. So I was finished with the church and its God. Done. I found another job after college. One that didn't involve driving to a church office every day. And I distanced myself from everything I knew to be familiar.
      Inside I felt scared, hurt, and betrayed by something and Someone that I had put such great potential in. Outside I was without emotion: stoic, silent and angry. That is until I heard the church bells ring one day for the first time. But that's another story. And the marking of a new beginning.
      Trying to live outside my faith was futile and impossible. I tried. I failed.