Thursday, May 20, 2010

BEN : Stealing my words . . . .

Stealing my words is much less an offense than my being haunted by the words you wrote — returning, rest, salvation, sabbath, letting go. I am terrified I will never be able to receive the gift hidden within the practice of such things.
Margin is not simply the difference between retail price and product cost these days. Margin is what’s missing in my life. At each corner, the complexity of responsibility and scheduling seem to push against any hope I might have of finding some sense of margin beyond that of a break-even or profit analysis spreadsheet.
My attempt to find margin has become an empty promise to myself and seems accompanied by a blatant disregard for the limited capacity of my human self itself. I push myself to the what seem to be my limits and dance on the edge of what seems to be an insanity. This is the life I have chosen and yet I worry it may consume me.
I have a burning need to find the News somewhere between our words and my attempts to find a kind of Divine metronome to help me pace myself at the speed of God, rather than keep dancing to a drumbeat of expectation.

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and light riseth up in darkness for the godly: Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what thou wouldest have us to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that in thy light we may see light, and in thy straight path may not stumble; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

I pray you are right that we may be closing in on the News. I need such a thing to be true.


Anonymous said...

Perhaps the crazed cry for sanity I hear in your words is because there are too many of them. For the last several years I have asked the Word for just one to take me through the year. Not that I don't read and speak many, but the one word is mine for the entire year-- to teach me, to remind and anchor my soul, to enlarge my experience, and to draw me closer to the only Word that really matters. Maybe I have misread what is happening on your journey, but I share it with you in case it may do some bit of good.


robert benson and ben stroup said...

I really like the idea of one word. As someone who practices Centering Prayer, identifying and hanging on to one word is a very important part of the discipline itself.

I must confess that I find it difficult to have just one word. And I'm encouraged to know that I'm not the only one experiencing such things.

Thanks for reading and taking a few moments to connect. Soul work is painful, but it is good work.

Blessings, Ben.

bgarlock said...

Lovely, lovely, lovely; so well-captured. Glad I stumbled across your work. Thank you.

Peace, peace, peace,

robert benson and ben stroup said...

Thank you, Barbara. You are very kind. Thanks for stopping by and hope you do the same again soon.

Blessings, Ben.